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Expectations. We all have them.

We are all taught at a young age to dream and to follow our passion, and that you can do whatever you want to do and be whoever you want to be. Some work for it and believe wholeheartedly that it will happen; however, sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

Why, is the big question?

We all want to be successful. We want nice clothes, a nice car, a beautiful home, an amazing partner, and financial freedom. We all think about it, some of us even dream and fantasize about it, but why do so many of us fail to achieve it?

My dream was to be a professional golfer.

A few years ago, I came to the realization that I wasn’t going to play on the PGA Tour. I was lost, depressed, and felt like a loser. All I ever wanted to do from the time I was a little boy was to be a professional golfer and prove that I could be one of the best in the world. I worked hard at it. I played competitive golf whenever I could and I won more than my fair share of tournaments. I was reaching my goals. I attained a full scholarship at a University in Oklahoma.  I turned pro – I was all in and I was living the dream; so, when I realized that becoming that person who I had always wanted to be wasn’t going to happen, I was crushed.

Afterward, I remained a dreamer. I shifted my focus to business and becoming an entrepreneur. I attempted a golf instruction business, an e-commerce business, and even looked at getting into the used car financing business; but in the end I didn’t pursue any of these businesses. I had no self-confidence. I had no direction to my life. I was lost.

At one point I had been out of work for 3 months, didn’t have any money saved, and my checking account was below $100. I had to do something! I realized I needed to change and change is what I did.

I landed a job as a server in a restaurant to make money. I then began working with my father in his business. I started learning from him and others. I watched countless motivational and self-help YouTube videos. I started to get up early.  I read books. I spoke with successful entrepreneurs. I attended webinars. I listened to podcasts. I journalized everything. Simply put, I became a learning sponge.

Through that experience, I learned lessons that would change my life.

I learned why I failed as a pro golfer and why I failed in my first 3 attempts at business.

• My expectations far outweighed my desire.
• I was in love with the result, but not the process.
• I wanted the glory but I wasn’t willing to feel the pain.
• I wasn’t committed enough to put in the necessary blood, sweat, and tears to get what I wanted.

In the process of understanding the root causes of my failures, I learned that I actually didn’t want to be on the PGA Tour, and I didn’t want to start those businesses, I was simply in love with the end results of what those things might bring me.

I learned that when you have expectations, you are set up to succeed or fail, win or lose. You either “get a big head” because you think you were the reason for the success, or you “feel like a loser” because you think you were the reason for the failure.

You’re now probably asking yourself: “That’s great and all; but if we don’t have expectations, or goals, how do we get better and achieve success?”

I’ll tell you. After speaking with some of the most successful people in the world and implementing the one strategy that they all had in common, I started seeing real improvement in my approach to life and subsequently, in my approach to business and my relationships. All these successful people had a vision – they all had a long-term goal in mind. This goal wasn’t to make a billion dollars, it wasn’t to have nice things; instead, it was one or all the following:

• leave a legacy
• impact others in a positive way
• change the world in some way
• make life easier and more enjoyable for others
• set the foundation for which others could build on.

Notice how their goals were immeasurable. They all wanted to simply help others or make the world a better place.

When your life is constructed with this type of goal in mind, your mindset shifts from becoming focused on accumulating belongings and money, to becoming focused on just getting better every day.

The key to reaching your goals starts with consistency. You have to get up every day and do something to make sure that get better than you were the day before. I like to look at life as a success ladder, with an infinite number of steps and every day my goal is to wake up and take 1 step further up on that ladder of success.

Every morning when I wake up, I reflect on my life, ask myself if I improved yesterday and when the answer is yes, I am happy.

We all want success. We all want to feel fulfilled. We all want to make our mark on the world and have an impact on those around us.

So, how do you do that?

To achieve success, you must first learn to delay gratification, and then start to work on YOU!

Preparation leads to creativity. So many people think that creativity is something someone is born with. The truth is, we all have it in us, we just need to learn to tap into it.

A big part of being creative is being in the right state of mind. Any type of stress, tension, excitement, or noise can hinder your creativity.

One way I like to calm my body in mind is through practicing a simple breathing technique.

1. Get into a comfortable position.
2. Put one hand on your belly just below your ribs and the other hand on your chest.
3. Take a deep breath in through your nose, and let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should not move.
4. Release your breath out through your nose, deeply, and at a controlled pace. Feel your breath being released and direct your breath towards your neck, releasing all that bad energy.
5. Take another deep breath in through your nose, and again let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should again not move.
6. Release your breath out through your nose, deeply, and at a controlled pace. Feel your breath being released and direct your breath towards your shoulders, releasing all your tension.
7. Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

Now that you are in a place of calmness and relaxation, you can begin to think clearly.

A big reason why we fail to create new things or think of new ideas is because we are so caught up in our day-to-day crap that we forget about the life that exists beyond the borders of our small world.

Simply, preparing your mind and being in a state of calmness can awaken your creative potential and allow you to begin creating and thinking of new ways to do things.

In my 15 years in the business world I have both seen and experienced my share of struggles and obstacles along the way.  Although some were more difficult than others, at each point there was a lesson to be learned.  Whether you are starting your first business or you are an experienced entrepreneur, obstacles can and will come out of the blue when you least expect them.  The question isn’t if you will encounter obstacles along the way, but instead the question is what will you do?  How will you respond? 

What do you do if a deal falls through?  What happens if an employee quits?  What about that potential client that just won’t move forward?  What is your next step if you and your partner decide to part-ways?  These are all very real possibilities, and you might encounter some or all of them along the way.

In the Start-Up & Entrepreneurial space if and when we encounter some of those obstacles we all have 2 very simple choices;

1. Do we get bitter, or
2. Do we get better?

I wish I could say that I always chose to get better, but that’s just not true.  There were many times in business that I was hurt, upset, frustrated, disappointed and even times I felt betrayed.  I could easily have justified my own actions to react and lash out – but that would not have been my best decision.

Over the years I have been extremely fortunate to have my own coaches and mentors that were there to help guide me.  I believe that successful people from all walks of life rely on others to help them along the way.  It might not be easy to ask for help or to humble youself to do so – but it is worth it.

• So when your next challenge hits you, don’t react.
• Take a moment to reflect, think, and speak to a mentor or a coach before you respond.
• Remain disciplined, and when you do respond – do so in a positive and professional manner.

It might not be easy, and you might not want to – but the next time you have the choice of being bitter or better, always choose better!  

By,
Christopher J. Wirth

President
NO QUIT Living, LLC.

Frequently, in business, we are presented with opportunities. Whether they are opportunities to gain a new client, meet a mentor, or speak in front of a group of people, we must learn to put our best foot forward.  The first 30 seconds in any interaction is crucial. We must learn to make people feel comfortable, and in doing so, we will gain their trust.

Recently, I spoke with Mark Bowden, the Co-Founder of TruthPlane and the author of, Truth & Lies What People Are Really Thinking. He is an expert in body language, nonverbal communication, and human behavior. In our interview, he offered one great tip for how we can all use our body language to our advantage.

He introduced me to a new idea – the open body concept.

He explained it in this way. Imagine you were outside on a really cold winter’s day and you come inside to a room where there is a warm fire. You would naturally stand in front of that fire with your palms out and chest out, trying to welcome the warmth into your being. This is called an “open body language” position.

Now, picture yourself if you came inside from the cold and there was no fire burning in the fireplace. You would most likely tighten your body and curl up trying to protect yourself from the cold. This is called a “closed body” position.

First impressions are crucial and we all know how we are when we form an opinion about someone. Most of our opinions are snap judgements and they rarely change.

Oftentimes, when we are in new settings and around new people, we tense up because most of us are nervous, and even a little stressed. We then naturally close our body and by doing this we may appear to be disinterested, unapproachable or even indifferent. We have all been in situations like this and recognize how uncomfortable we feel. (Think of your first school dance).

So let’s look at some open body techniques that we can use.

• Keep your head up
• Smile – this is our quickest and best fix when we get nervous
• Make eye contact
• Listen intently
• Add the eyebrow flash – It triggers this universal signal for “I recognize you, I know you
• Relax your body by breathing deeply
• Hold your arms in a relaxed manner

Next time you are meeting new people or just meeting your neighbors or friends, try and consciously open up your body language. Listen intently – Practice being more open.

Watch the results. You will be amazed. People will warm up to you. They will trust you and unconsciously they will want to be around you.

Mark Bowden believes that if we don’t make these conscious choices in the way we interact with people we will miss out on opportunities in our life.

Use body language to your advantage and not a disadvantage. Be the person in the room people want to approach and speak to. New opportunities will surely follow.